Screwed UP!

Have you ever felt like you’ve screwed your life up so badly that all you want to do is dig a bottomless pit and then hurl yourself down into it? Have you ever felt so overcome by darkness, hopelessness and despair that you feel that all there is left for you to do is to curl up and die… How do you recover from such heartache?

In this life when we don’t make wise decisions, we oftentimes find ourselves amidst disaster. Foolishness inescapably leads to disaster. Like a snare, if we persist in our reckless behaviors, we will become weary and fall prey to the one who seeks to destroy us-the enemy. We will be damaged beyond repair: mind, body and soul. However, we have an amazing God who will only let us go so far before He steps in and pleas for us to come back into right standing.

How do we climb out of a pit that has become so despairing and all consuming? I hate to say it's simple, because when you're in the thick of it "simple" is the last word that would be chosen. Your situation seems impossible to overcome . But, the darkness and hopelessness is just an overwhelming illusion, climbing out truly is simple. Just go home and talk to God. Tell him how you feel and how sorry you are. Then, forgive yourself. Find worth in yourself through God's eyes and believe you are not beyond God’s grace and love. Allow Him to take you back.

Let God lift you up out of the pit. You cannot climb out in your own strength. Allow yourself to be lavished in love and forgiveness. Move past what has been holding you back and walk out on the sin that has held you hostage. God has given us the power to do these things, if we will look to him for help.

We all screw up... "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23. It's what you do when you screw up that defines you. Get out of the pit.Turn to God. Repent and move forward.

The Latest: Psalm 46

I recently had a passage of Scripture dropped on my heart. I've been reading Psalm 46 everyday for nearly three weeks now.

Psalm 46
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah. Come and see what the LORD has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah"


...During trying times, look to your Refuge who is there. He is surrounding you like a mighty river saturating your dry and weary soul. Take heart. Be encouraged. We are the city of God made glad. Sorrow turns to joy when we still ourselves and remember who He is. God is there and the Holy Spirit will make glad your heart as you trust in God. Put on an attitude of praise like a mighty shield. Focus on who God is. Be cool, calm down because He is the Almighty. He is here in your midst and remains victorious over all creation. Do not be afraid. He is with you. The Victor is along side of you during this time. Conquer, you will.

Friendships

Something has prompted me to write. I am deep in thought about friendships and how they are formed. Not only how they are formed, but how they are sustained. I’m not talking about the casual friendship or friend you call from time to time when you’ve got a few minutes to spare. I’m referring to the truly deep and meaningful type, the type of friendship that you know will last a lifetime. The kind of friend who will drop anything and everything to be there for you when you need her, no matter what.

Looking back over the years, I’m disappointed. I’ve had friendships, several friendships that I might even consider to be deep and meaningful, but something always seems to happen and my friends and I drift apart. Who’s to blame, I can’t say. It’s very likely that my availability has something to do with my failed friendships, lack of time to invest. I really don’t believe that I’ve ever had a friendship that’s lasted. I’ve had several friends that I’ve been ‘close’ to, but none of them are close to me now.

I was at my sister’s house this past weekend. I watched as she interacted with two of her very best friends. They would do anything for one another. They support and lean on one another. There’s a mutual love and concern for one another that I think is really awesome. I know that my sister and her friends would go to the ends of the earth for one another. They are like sisters. I don’t think I’m even that close to my very own sister, as close as a sister. Not that I wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth for my sister, because I would, but we just aren’t close like we were when we were kids. Strange thought. I’m not as close to my sister as a sister…

So, the wheels inside my head started to turn and I began to ask myself why. It must be me. I’ve seen many others develop and maintain deep meaningful friendships. I really can say that I’ve tried many times, and have failed miserably. I have been vulnerable, mistreated, lied to, walked on, bullied, and flat out rejected. The friendships that I’ve managed to develop have been with dysfunctional selfish people who have had their own agendas. I really want to have a friend who looks out for my best interests above her own, and I look out for hers above mine.

I’ve consistently pursued friendships involving people who never seem to have the time to invest. Time is my biggest enemy. I hate that people can’t seem to find the time to spend with me, especially when I value that person and really would like to spend time with them. It makes me feel like I hold no value with that person. If I want to see someone, I can always make a way. I assume they can too. So, what’s the deal?

What is it about me that makes people either feel like I’m not worth their time, or feel like I don’t need their time? I’m not sure, but I would love more than anything to find someone who wanted to spend time with me and be a life-long friend. Someone who will be there when I need them, no matter what. I’ll do the same for them! I would drop anything to go to a friend in need, but this same mindset isn’t shared or widely expressed.

I’ll contemplate some more… I really don’t have any answers right now.

The Prodigal Son

Luke 15

God doesn’t care where you come from. He’s going to be waiting at the edge of the driveway with his arms stretched out to receive you.

Just as the sweet aroma of our life of praise meets the Lord’s nostrils, so too does the aroma of our life that is less than praise worthy. It meets Him in a less pleasant manner. Nonetheless, His love for you is unchanging. His thoughts of you are countless. His plans for you are better than you could possibly imagine.

There isn’t anything you could do to ever create in Him a desire to never take you back. No matter how bad, or how foul, you become He will take you back still with outstretched arms. He will take off those filthy rags and clothe you in his Robe of Righteousness. Then, you will partake at his table in a great feast along with the saints and greats in the faith.

Where have you been? Have you been lying with the pigs, rolling in the pit, eating of the scraps from the world’s table? How far have you journeyed? How long will it take for you to get home? How will you get there? Know the Lord will meet you; you won’t have to go all the way alone. Just start the journey, He’ll meet you.

Fasting.

What does it mean to fast? What does it mean to the one who has never fasted in opposed to the one who has? It certainly carries much more meaning to the one who has. To the one who hasn’t, it’s something they read about but could never truly understand. And how could they?

When fasting something awakens in you that you never knew was there before, you become fully aware of your body’s wants and unruly tantrums. When you deny your body what it wants, an awareness of how much the flesh truly does rule your life occurs. What does my flesh want? To be gorged, satisfied, catered to, pacified, venerated, idolized and gratified! Disgusting! It feels as though my body and my inner person are at war within themselves, like I’m actually two people. The body has been really convincing in its efforts to make me see how hungry I am, but my spirit (inner self) has risen up against it in battle. My body says, “You’re so hungry! A small bite to eat won’t hurt. Grab something on your way home from work. No one is with you. No one will know.” My spirit says, “I will know. And God will know. Man cannot live on bread alone, but on every Word that comes from the mouth of God. I will remain strong. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I will lean on Him and He will sustain me.”

As I found myself struggling against… well, myself! I was reminded of the testing of Christ when he fasted and prayed in the wilderness for 40 days. I am reminded of how strong and courageous our Lord truly is. What an amazing God we serve! Also, the more we bring our bodies into submission, the less advantage the enemy has against us. The enemy can’t easily get a grip on those who aren’t taking orders from their flesh (body’s desires). To be free from your own selfish desires is to be free indeed! AND, the weaker your flesh’s grip is on you, the more you’ll be able to do all that God has for you.

After a three day fast, I physically feel weak and shaky. I am tired and drained of energy. Everything at this point sounds as good as a meal of grilled steak and potatoes, even a slice of white bread plain and dry. I am so hungry! But, I have chosen and determined to be steadfast in this decision to fast. And God has blessed me for it.

He has been able to show me new revelations of Himself, new insights into his character and His great love. What drove Christ to deny his flesh and to expel Satan when he was at his weakest? I think it was all for love. I think it has always been all for love. Because of His great love for us, God sent his son. The son could never have been a replacement for us if he had sinned, and he knew that. He drew strength from the father through the power of the Holy Spirit and stood firmly grounded in love as he endured the testing of the enemy who would have him fail and leave us all condemned.

And what is the source of my strength through my, very short in comparison, time of fasting and limited testing? Love. Just the same as Christ, but different. I dare not claim to know the pain and anguish our precious Lord suffered while on this earth, but I can say I share his heart for the lost. I fast for the cause of the lost in this world to turn their eyes to Love and come to know God as the One who loves them. To the cause of the church to extend her arm to the ones who are lost, I fast diligently and whole-heartedly… gladly.

God to you be all the praise, and honor, and glory forever and ever!

Me

It would seem to me God has thoughtfully and quite carefully allowed and appointed me to experience some of the depths of life that have tragically become exceedingly common to most women.

I've survived the same kind of troubled childhood as many women world-wide can relate to.

I’ve been neglected, abused, rejected, and scared to death.

After experiencing an emotionally cancerous situation during adolescence and it nearly defiling my entire being, I know what it’s like to be told that I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder and depression.

I understand what it's like to be under a doctor’s care in order to ‘treat’ these things for several years.

I know the devastation of brokenness.

I know what it’s like to have severe marital problems and to sink like the Titanic into the cold, dark depths of defeat and despair.

I know what it’s like to feel like a complete failure. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't understand why, and I’m not sure that I’m meant to, but I feel with all my heart that God has called me to these experiences so that I might become better equipped to do His will toward those I will serve in ministry.

To this, I am greatly humbled, genuinely honored and it is my sincerest privilege.

ReCONNECT

Well, would you look at that? Your safe, or lock box, has been placed over to the side, well out of the way. It's been neglected for several months, collecting dust and signs of age as you walk past it day by day without a second thought or the time to develop a first thought about opening it. The days go by in-between the last time you opened it and when you aim to open it again. Before you know it months have passed since you last opened it.

The time eventually comes when you decide to open the safe, and at that point it is no longer as simple as just opening it. Reason? It's been so long since you opened it last that you've forgotten where you've left the key. So, you search, search, look about, and search... eventually the key turns up, hopefully. And you're able to open your safe and behold all the precious contents you've stored within.

WOW! Who would've thought that it would be so difficult to access a blogspot? Your own blogspot at that?! I had forgotten my password and it took me the better part of 20 minutes to try to remember it. In addition to typing in all the incorrect passwords, the site had me type in skewed words as well. AND, by the time I actually typed in the correct password I couldn't remember which password option worked. Hahaha...

Nice.

Maybe I'll be back tomorrow with a thought, maybe I won't.