Fasting.

What does it mean to fast? What does it mean to the one who has never fasted in opposed to the one who has? It certainly carries much more meaning to the one who has. To the one who hasn’t, it’s something they read about but could never truly understand. And how could they?

When fasting something awakens in you that you never knew was there before, you become fully aware of your body’s wants and unruly tantrums. When you deny your body what it wants, an awareness of how much the flesh truly does rule your life occurs. What does my flesh want? To be gorged, satisfied, catered to, pacified, venerated, idolized and gratified! Disgusting! It feels as though my body and my inner person are at war within themselves, like I’m actually two people. The body has been really convincing in its efforts to make me see how hungry I am, but my spirit (inner self) has risen up against it in battle. My body says, “You’re so hungry! A small bite to eat won’t hurt. Grab something on your way home from work. No one is with you. No one will know.” My spirit says, “I will know. And God will know. Man cannot live on bread alone, but on every Word that comes from the mouth of God. I will remain strong. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I will lean on Him and He will sustain me.”

As I found myself struggling against… well, myself! I was reminded of the testing of Christ when he fasted and prayed in the wilderness for 40 days. I am reminded of how strong and courageous our Lord truly is. What an amazing God we serve! Also, the more we bring our bodies into submission, the less advantage the enemy has against us. The enemy can’t easily get a grip on those who aren’t taking orders from their flesh (body’s desires). To be free from your own selfish desires is to be free indeed! AND, the weaker your flesh’s grip is on you, the more you’ll be able to do all that God has for you.

After a three day fast, I physically feel weak and shaky. I am tired and drained of energy. Everything at this point sounds as good as a meal of grilled steak and potatoes, even a slice of white bread plain and dry. I am so hungry! But, I have chosen and determined to be steadfast in this decision to fast. And God has blessed me for it.

He has been able to show me new revelations of Himself, new insights into his character and His great love. What drove Christ to deny his flesh and to expel Satan when he was at his weakest? I think it was all for love. I think it has always been all for love. Because of His great love for us, God sent his son. The son could never have been a replacement for us if he had sinned, and he knew that. He drew strength from the father through the power of the Holy Spirit and stood firmly grounded in love as he endured the testing of the enemy who would have him fail and leave us all condemned.

And what is the source of my strength through my, very short in comparison, time of fasting and limited testing? Love. Just the same as Christ, but different. I dare not claim to know the pain and anguish our precious Lord suffered while on this earth, but I can say I share his heart for the lost. I fast for the cause of the lost in this world to turn their eyes to Love and come to know God as the One who loves them. To the cause of the church to extend her arm to the ones who are lost, I fast diligently and whole-heartedly… gladly.

God to you be all the praise, and honor, and glory forever and ever!

Me

It would seem to me God has thoughtfully and quite carefully allowed and appointed me to experience some of the depths of life that have tragically become exceedingly common to most women.

I've survived the same kind of troubled childhood as many women world-wide can relate to.

I’ve been neglected, abused, rejected, and scared to death.

After experiencing an emotionally cancerous situation during adolescence and it nearly defiling my entire being, I know what it’s like to be told that I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder and depression.

I understand what it's like to be under a doctor’s care in order to ‘treat’ these things for several years.

I know the devastation of brokenness.

I know what it’s like to have severe marital problems and to sink like the Titanic into the cold, dark depths of defeat and despair.

I know what it’s like to feel like a complete failure. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't understand why, and I’m not sure that I’m meant to, but I feel with all my heart that God has called me to these experiences so that I might become better equipped to do His will toward those I will serve in ministry.

To this, I am greatly humbled, genuinely honored and it is my sincerest privilege.

ReCONNECT

Well, would you look at that? Your safe, or lock box, has been placed over to the side, well out of the way. It's been neglected for several months, collecting dust and signs of age as you walk past it day by day without a second thought or the time to develop a first thought about opening it. The days go by in-between the last time you opened it and when you aim to open it again. Before you know it months have passed since you last opened it.

The time eventually comes when you decide to open the safe, and at that point it is no longer as simple as just opening it. Reason? It's been so long since you opened it last that you've forgotten where you've left the key. So, you search, search, look about, and search... eventually the key turns up, hopefully. And you're able to open your safe and behold all the precious contents you've stored within.

WOW! Who would've thought that it would be so difficult to access a blogspot? Your own blogspot at that?! I had forgotten my password and it took me the better part of 20 minutes to try to remember it. In addition to typing in all the incorrect passwords, the site had me type in skewed words as well. AND, by the time I actually typed in the correct password I couldn't remember which password option worked. Hahaha...

Nice.

Maybe I'll be back tomorrow with a thought, maybe I won't.

What will YOU decide?

What happens when you spend the last 20 years of your life filling your head and heart up with lies?

Consider what Scripture says, out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The truth is that it doesn't really take very long before your speech begins to reflect the lies you've tucked away in your heart, grown to believe, and come to hold dear. Why would anybody hold lies dear? While the notion might seem ridiculous to some, it is possible to begin to cherish the familiarity of the lies and/or draw comfort from the familiar, because the lies have become so comfortably familiar.

As I took a look back at my life, I realized that I had grown up with lies. Not only that, but they had come along side of me and became an intricate part of my life. The lies of my childhood consumed my adult life. Not a detail of my life had gone untouched or unaltered by the lies that I had clung to and yes, leared to hold dear to my heart. Ugh... they had become what I deemed as comfortable. I had actually become comfortable communing with lies, rolling around and covering myself in them! Wow, scary.

How did I recognize the lies for what they were when they had become so ingrained in me that they had become a major part of who I am?

The only way to expose a lie is by aligning yourself with the Word of God. Only the Truth will reveal the lies, God's truth. What does the Bible say? Incredible is the power and authority of the Word of God, the strength and deliverance that comes only through the application of Scripture is immense. Truth is, one only needs to grab ahold of it. Take it! It's yours to be had, free of charge and at your disposal... if you want it.

What a curious conundrum! To have contentment with lies, and lies of contentment. What a miserable mess to be in. Why does a person become so content in such a mess? Perhaps because of fear. I found myself afraid of the door placed directly in front of me. Let me explain.

The door of truth was slightly cracked open and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's best was waiting on the other side of it. So, why was I terrified of something God had placed in my path? Strange, huh? It was the battle of "uncertainty vs. familiar". I knew deep down the very first thing that I needed to do, I needed to close the door behind me that I kept leaping back through every time I got a little spooked. I had to stop going back to that familar place. But, uncertainty lied beyond the cracked door in front of me. I struggled with the risk of the unknown and perceived safety of the familiar.

At one point a clever thought crossed my mind, "What if I just leaned forward a bit and peeked through the cracked door before I committed to shutting the one behind me and going through it?"

Unfortunately, it just didn't work that way, doesn't work that way. I now realize I must first close the door behind me before I can open any of the doors in front of me. Dare to close the door to the familiar and to step out into the realm of the unknown. Dare to embrace all that God has in store for you, and forsake all the lies that have been held dear for too long. Decisions, decisions...

What will you decide?

Life...

I know I have said this over and over again over the course of the past few years of my life. If you tire of hearing it, I apologize. But, it would seem to me God has thoughtfully and quite carefully allowed and appointed me to experience some of the darkest depths of life that have tragically become exceedingly common to most women.

I survived the same kind of troubled childhood that many women world-wide can relate to. I've been neglected, abused, rejected and flat scared to death. After experiencing an emotionally cancerous situation during adolescense and it nearly defiling my entire being, I know what it's like to be told that I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder and depression. I understand what it's like to be under a doctor's care in order to 'treat' these things for several years. I know the devastation of brokenness. I know what it's like to have severe marital problems and to sink like the Titanic into the cold, dark depths of defeat and despair. I know what it's like to feel like a complete failure. And that's just the tip of this vast, engulfing iceberg.

I don't understand why, and I'm not sure that I'm meant to, but I feel with all my heart that God has called me to these experiences so that I might become better equipped to do His will toward those I will serve in ministry.

To this, I am greatly humbled, genuinely honored and it is my sincerest privilege.

W.W.J.D.?

What would Jesus do? I know, cliche, right? But, really. I look around sometimes and really ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" Like a young child with an insatiable thirst for knowledge, this one question causes a myriad of questions to flood my mind consuming my thoughts. "What would He do if He were right here right now? Who would He be talking to? What would He be talking about?" etc... You want to know what I think? You're reading this post so I'm left to assume that you do. I think sometimes He is looking at us and is heartbroken over the way we behave. Okay, I don't think sometimes, I think often we break His heart. And the reasons aren't because we are terrible sinners committing dastardly deeds, but because of our lack of concern for others. I believe Jesus Christ Himself is standing beside us. The Word says He is at our right side, never leaving us. His desire, with all His heart, is for us to reach out to others, to connect with one another.

Listen, I was standing in a looooong line tonight at camp. I was waiting for what seemed like an eternity for nothing more than a lousy drink of water from the concessions stand. A bit extreme and dramatic, perhaps, but if you had been me I'm confident you would have been feeling a tad extreme as well. Envy me, don't you? Well, ridiculously, during my one hour wait for a simple drink of water in the sweltering 100 degree heat, I just stood there looking all around me at the hundreds of self proclaimed Christians interacting with one another, or should I say not. I chose my words carefully when I said "self-proclaimed", the term was used purposefully. I'm sure you picked up on the tone when I typed it.

Here's the thing, what is a Christian? What does it mean to be a Christian? I'll tell you what 'ol Webster says a Christian is: 1. of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings, 2. of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ, 3. decent, respectable, 4. human, not brutal, humaine... You get the picture.

Now, I'll tell you what I believe the definition of Christain is. Simply put, to be like Christ.

I know, I'm asing a lot of questions. Unfortunately, this is how my mind works! Thoughts take root and bloom in my head. And, much like a dandelion, my blooming thoughts quickly turn into a glorious globe of wispy white seeds scattering with the wind and producing many more thoughts! I've learned to embace it.

Where was I? Oh right, Jesus and how He might feel. Okay, here's the thing. I am surrounded by kids this week. I am at camp. I love camp! I was filled with the Holy Ghost at camp when I was a kid. There's something about the atmosphere and expectancy that comes along with being at camp, it seems you're completely submerged in the power of God from the moment you step out of your vehicle. I just love it. Well, let me not rabbit trail again... as I was waiting in line tonight I really got to thinking to myself. And as I was thinking, I was looking around at the leaders and the kids. More specifically, I was especially interested in what our "rec crew" was doing with their free time. Let me describe to you what a "rec crew" is: a group of teenagers, with a few early 20s sprinkled in, thoughtfully put together with the sole purpose of leading our kids while they're at camp. In other words, leaders. I personally know several of the "rec crew" members. We have a ministry team that goes to various places doing VBSs, kid's crusades, special events, etc. Our team is composed of adults, teens and kids. The adults are close friends of ours. The kids are my own. The teens we've acquired here and there, by God's design. I will admit, I am severely disappointed in our teenagers. I watched tonight as they socialized with one another. They grouped together, as they typically do, and only hung out with each other. They didn't interact with any of the kids, adults, or other teenagers. I noticed they have effectively formed a tightly knit clique of elite position. So, here I am watching their behaviors. I'm a people watcher by nature, I can't help it. And, I'm an analyzer by nature as well, a thinker. You might be saying to yourself, "Amy, get a grip. They're teenagers! That's what teenagers do! They hang out, form cliques..." yeah, that's all true. But, these particular teens were put together to become a team purposed to lead. Too hard on them, I don't think so. Here's why.

What would Jesus have done tonight? What did He do when He walked the earth? Did He keep to the adults, the ones considered righteous? Did He hang out with only those who were like-minded? Did He only seek out those who were, what He might have considered to be, equals? The answers to these questions drive me to frustration with people today! I know what my Jesus would have done tonight. It is recorded that the disciples were much like our "rec crew". They cliqued up a bit as well. In fact, they were frustrated when children, God forbid, tried to spend time with Jesus. Not only were the disciples, the clique called followers of Christ, met with reproach for their attitudes, but Jesus welcomed and blessed the children. He even went so far as to tell the disciples that they should be just like them. Jesus sought out the needy, the poor, the sick, the young. He was delighted to be with them, ministering to each specific need. Jesus didn't just "roll" with His groupies, He reached out to all who were fortunate enough to cross His path.

Man! What is going on here? Knowing what we know of Jesus Himself, what does it mean to be a Christian? Really, what does that stupid cliche mean, "What would Jesus do?" I'll tell you what I think it means, get off your butt and reach out to those around you. Get outside of your own needs and desires and think about someone else for a change. Serve! Love! Be passionate about what Christ is passionate about! Which Christ-like traits are you exhibiting when you keep to your own and shun the young and needy? Self-righteousness is rampant. Egotistic fixations are out of control. Self. Self. Self. Christ was about anything but Himself. You might need to brace yourself for this one, but I might even go so far as to say that there are many believers but there are very few true Christians. Think about that for a moment. Ponder it. Let it marinate a bit.

What does it mean to be a Christian? What would Jesus do? If you consistently do the opposite, or you consistently serve yourself and your own desires, are you then considered to be a Christian? Or just a believer? What is the difference between a Christian and a believer?

Believer: You know what Christ has done for you. You accept Him. You even truly love Him. You are a faithful church attendee, maybe. Sure, you probably pray. You serve in your church on Sunday, or during church events. But, does your life reflect true Christ-likeness? Who do you talk to about Christ on a daily basis? Who do you affect, or infect, to the glory of God. When you're in public, does the question 'I wonder how many people around me know Christ' ever cross your mind? Think about all that Christ was and is. His heart is to seek and to save that which is lost. He is the ultimate missionary. The evangelist extraordinare! Christ rocked this world! He is passionate about people, compassionate towards people, and desires above all else to reach out to anyone and everyone who might hear and be saved! He didn't just snobbishly stick to His small group. He reached out! This is Jesus Christ.

If we call ourselves Christians, shouldn't we be described much the same way?

The Recliner: Part 1

Somehow, if you manage to look closely enough, there will invariably be a unique opportunity for you to be used in an amaing way for God's glory.

I was at a get-together at the church a few months ago. The Women's Ministries at our church meets once a month and does a potluck dinner. We usually close every meeting with prayer. Hesitantly, right before we were about to begin to pray, a lady spoke up with a very specific and heartbreaking request. She had been living with her daughter, her daughter's two small chldren and her sister's family in a small trailer. With tears filling her eyes and streaming down her cheeks, she began to share with us the details surrounding her decidsion to move out of the trailer they all shared. I won't go into details here, but the environment she was living in was unhealthy for all parties involved. Not violent or threatening, but just straining on the relationships.

She didn't say how long she had been on her own, but told us she had gotten her own apartment. She had been living there for a while now, and didn't have a single piece of furniture. Not a bed, sofa, kitchen table or chairs, living room table or lamp... she had nothing. She seemed to be strong and confident as she revealed how she had been sleeping on the floor all this time with nothing more than a sleeping bag and a pillow. Amazing. She talked about God's goodness and provision. She was certain God had a plan and a way to provide for all her needs, despite her current condition. She assured us that she didn't know how God was going to do it, but she knew He would take care of her. I amired her strength and focus. She wasn't fixed on the problem, she had her gaze fixed on the One who could solve it!

She needed furniture. Guess what? I had furniture, AND just the pieces she needed for her home. Imagine that. I told her that I had a mattress in my garage and bed frame, queen sized. I had a corner tv cabinet and 19" tv upstairs in my office we didn't need. I had a couch that was at my husband's sister's house, just waiting on us to pick it up for Madisyn's room. I had a coffee table in my downstairs living room that a friend had just given us because they got new. She was very excited! I went home that night and began to make a list of the items we were to take to her house. Something hit me while I was making that list, I had an extra recliner... here's where it gets interesting.

This extra recliner was my Memaw's. She died about 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my son, she never got to meet him. She was very dear to me and the reclinder was one of the few things I got that was hers when she died. I also got her Bible. I called it "extra", because I already had a reclinder in my living room when I came to acquire hers. I moved my recliner to a friend's house to store and put my Memaw's recliner in my living room. I didn't care that it didn't match anything, it was hers and it was one of her favorite things. That made it special to me.

To be honest the thought of giving up my Memaw's recliner was at first quickly dismissed. I couldn't see how I could ever give up something so special to me. I struggled with the idea of giving it up! Seriously? Oh, but it totally began to nag me... I couldn't shake the thought that I needed to also give up that recliner. What? It's not good enough that I would give so many other things? I had a difficult time with this idea! I felt sad to give it up, it was special to me! How could God ask me to give something so special to me to somebody else? I dunno, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew I had to give this lady my Memaw's favorite chair.

After some struggle and thought and much to my husband's surprise, I included it in the lot of items to go. After it was loaded up, I was still going back and forth on whether I could really go through with giving it up or not. I had a sick feeling in my stomach over it, but that nagging feeling in my heart wouldn't let me change my mind.

To Be Cont'd...